🎢 Disorganized Attachment: The Push-Pull Rollercoaster
Disorganized attachment (sometimes called fearful-avoidant) can feel like a whirlwind of emotions. You might find yourself wanting closeness one moment and panicking the next. If you’ve ever felt like you’re on a relationship rollercoaster, at first craving intimacy, then suddenly pulling away, then this might be your style. And here’s the thing: it’s not about being “broken.” It’s about having a nervous system that’s constantly juggling fear and desire for connection.
What It Feels Like
Your brain is often caught in a tug-of-war. Part of you desperately wants love, reassurance, and safety, but another part is on high alert, afraid of being hurt or abandoned. You might notice:
🤯 Intense emotional highs and lows in relationships
❤️💔 Wanting closeness, then retreating when things feel too intense
😨 Fear of abandonment and fear of being hurt if you let someone in
🌀 Feeling unpredictable even to yourself
This push-pull dynamic can be confusing and exhausting. You may notice patterns like texting a partner constantly one day, then avoiding calls the next, all in response to your inner mix of fear and desire.
The Hidden Superpower
Here’s the bright side: people with disorganized attachment are often deeply emotionally aware. You can empathize, understand complex feelings, and notice nuances in others’ emotions that many people miss. That sensitivity can be a gift when channeled in safe and supportive relationships.
How to Level Up 🌱
🧠 Therapy is a game-changer, offering safety and structure for your emotional ups and downs
🧘 Grounding practices help calm your nervous system and reduce sudden emotional swings
📝 Journaling or reflection can help you spot push-pull patterns before they spiral
💕 Building trust with consistent, reliable people gradually rewires your sense of safety
Your story doesn’t have to be chaos forever. With support, self-awareness, and intentional practice, that intense push-pull energy can transform into steady, secure, and fulfilling connections. You can learn to crave closeness without fear, creating relationships that feel safe, joyful, and emotionally nourishing. 🌈
If you are interested in understanding more about your attachment style, feel free to reach out and schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with the therapist of your choice to discuss fit.
